EY Newsletter: Dealing with Disappointment as a parent raising children with disabilities.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and guilty about your child’s developmental challenges, wondering if there’s something you could have done differently?

Your not the only one, let's discuss these tough feelings.

It’s incredibly hard to face the reality that your child is struggling with a developmental disability. It's even more challenging when these feelings mix with worries about the future and guilt about the past.

Today, we're going to address these feelings head-on and explore ways to navigate this complex journey.

First, it’s important to understand that these feelings are totally normal, albeit uncomfortable. But just know that these feelings don’t make you a bad person; they illustrate that you care deeply about your child's well-being.

Feeling lost, confused, or guilty, as if you should have done something to prevent your child’s challenges, is a common experience among parents in similar situations. It’s important to recognize these feelings and acknowledge them without judgment, since there isn’t anything that can be done to change your child's diagnosis.

The Nature of Developmental Disabilities:

Developmental disabilities like ASD can be influenced by a myriad of genetic and environmental factors that are often beyond our control.

Understanding that these conditions are not caused by something you did or didn’t do can be liberating.

Dealing with the Fear of the Unknown:

It’s natural to worry about your children's futures. Focusing on what you can control, like seeking early intervention, therapeutic support, and educating yourself about their conditions, can help you feel more empowered and less fearful.

As cliché as it may sound, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to go through this by yourself. Connecting with other parents who understand your experience can be incredibly supportive. Consider joining support groups or online communities.

Often, parents raising children with autism or other developmental disabilities choose one of two paths when confronting this disappointment:

Path 1: The first path is they close themselves off and just try to push through the circumstances without any help. Typically, in our experience, this leads to further challenges and complications in the parents' overall mental health and negatively impacts the family as a whole.

No bueno..

Path 2: Parents and families open up and seek help from their clinical team and their community of family and friends. For obvious reasons, this is the preferred route, since it’s hard for anyone to help you if we don’t know you are in need of it in the first place.

Now don’t get me wrong there will inevitably be ups and downs, but by opening up and being open to receive support - you can create opportunities for you and your family that can help you learn the skills to cope and to lean on when you need that support.

If you’re struggling to cope with your feelings or need more structured support, talking to a therapist who specializes in family therapy or developmental disabilities might also help and is something we recommend to families if they have the ability to do. They can offer strategies to manage your worries and improve your family dynamics.

Remember, feeling worried or guilty at times does not make you a bad parent; it makes you human. It also means you care deeply about your child's wellbeing.

It's okay to have these feelings, and it's okay to seek help. By addressing these emotions and focusing on proactive steps, you can make a significant difference in your and your children's lives.

In our next email, we’ll explore how parent expectations can significantly  influence the outcomes of your child’s behaviors.